who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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