And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
