Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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