Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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