I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
