he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
