I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
