Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
