I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
