Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
