bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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