Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
