i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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