Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck me I smell like cheese
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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