That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
