I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
