1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
another moral hangover. fuck.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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