Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
