I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
