i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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