Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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