My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
