I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
