I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Found the puke drawer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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