whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
