After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize