I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
