um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
