home. puking in laundry basket.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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