I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You are a genius and a whore.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
