Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
