I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
