that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want to make out with him forever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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