Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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