Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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