This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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