what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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