Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
