Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
