I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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