We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
