If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
