..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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