just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize