ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
