I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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