That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
