I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
