READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
