i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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