I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
