woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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