Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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