I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize