Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
