a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I still have a little drunk in my system
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
