Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
