When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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