just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
