Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
