You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
