There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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