i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize