i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
