i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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