I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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