I must be too annoying 4 u.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
