I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He kissed a someone with a penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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