Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
