Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize