Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize