I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we should paint friendship bongs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
