I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
