I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
