i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
