I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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