she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
